“On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.” 

― David Sedaris

“My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents.” 

― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't